see you tonight at the improv. http://t.co/iVarkR6w
i’m performing @ImprovComedyLA 11/29 & @WhatsUpTLily 11/28 both @ 8 pm. come early monday 7-8 for my monthly show Marriage Material Monday!
i’m doing an awesome thanksgiving cleanse called food poisoning.
RT @ramzyn: My thoughts & prayers are with the Americans who innocently went to a football game and wound up at a Nickelback concert.
family holiday: the one place where your excessive drinking doesn’t cause anyone to wonder whether or not you’re an alcoholic. #theygetit
I call this portion of my day “drunk at the airport sports bar.”
omg Florence & the Machine on SNL- soooo good!
RT @ElSmoocho: #FF @kelly_carlin @KimmieDee_ @ariscott @SugarTits84 @katieschwartz @JonathanSchmock @stirlinggardner @melindahill @Vanil …
i wish “day drinker” could be considered a legitimate career.
after a break up i consider anything that was left at my place to be a parting gift.
we need another animated penguin movie like lesbians need more comfortable clothing
i’m going to go chant with the buddhists for an hour. if that doesn’t make me feel better then someone’s going to get verbally abused
i always fall for that old pick up line “i’m creating a tv show for you.”
RT @ArdenMyrin: Thanks for the #FF @Gillian_E_Dubbs the super foxy and funny @melindahill @Shellzs333 @thelukaskaiser @thetedsaid @Emma_ …
whenever i have a break up people always say i dodged a bullet. i bet no one said that to joan vollmer.
If your business card is the size of a post card the only business it’s doing is litter
i’m headed over to Maria Bamford’s potluck with a butternut squash & spinach gratin. i’ve become my grandma
Everyone at silverlake trader joes is in the same band
Maria Bamford & stellar line up tonight @ Tiger Lily! come early 7-8 for Marriage Material Monday to hear Eve Sturges & I talk about sex.
i’m going to go walk in the rain and pretend i’m in a romantic comedy about a girl who walks in the rain
RT @mikerotman: Spent today writing with @melindahill and Drew Droege for my next Comedy Central web project! An hour later we’ve alread …
wrap me up in a soup blanket and call it a night, bitches
RT @jonathanschmock: #FF @claudialonow @MrCraigBierko @melindahill @MMFlint @ElSmoocho @OccupyWallStNYC @JayKogen @katieschwartz @JRose …
you should always dress for the possibility of running into your ex and his teenage male concubine
tv pitch: “the kardassians”- about a family of people with big asses who have nothing interesting going on & make zillions of dollars for it
RT @WitStreamdotcom: Today’s Best Tweets by Comedians | Splitsider http://t.co/nVWTaapJ
wheelchair cat in the hospital! #pretendtime http://t.co/ADk1NnST
this year my costume is a person who doesn’t dress up for halloween