fellas: coffee doesn’t count as a date unless it’s in paris.
thank you for the new set of yellow pages, los angeles. i will def use them to call the 80’s.
i don’t think any of you should still be awake at this hour and by you i mean me.
“no” is a complete sentence. “no, i will not read your shitty screenplay” is an even more complete sentence.
i’m so grateful i didn’t peak in high school.
i keep hoping my neighbor’s car will get fixed since he’s been working on it for 6 years but nope. #meth
My personal creed: No matter how bad things seem, they would definitely be worse if a Creed song was playing.
my mom’s making a genuine effort to connect with me by poking me on facebook.
Watch Talking Hedz w/ Laura Kightlinger, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Jen Kirkman, Jon Dore, Sklars, written by me: http://t.co/uFXYxfI via @youtube
sometimes waking up can be so exhausting.
whenever i meet a new date for dinner i wonder what his interests will be and if anyone told him this was a date.
My friend’s going to teach a sitcom writing class. I told her to call it “I Got 99 Problems But A Pitch Ain’t One.”
tomorrow my writing job goes on hiatus which in some circles boils down to “high ate us.”
just got asked to “like” my ex’s fan page. i get it, you want me back.
before twitter we could only surmise but now tweets make it abundantly clear when people have lost their minds.
At 11 I started a biz called BAITA-Babysitters Available In The Area. It wasn’t successful but it led to other businesses that also weren’t.
sassy dating interviews i wrote for nerve. →
Pregnancy sounds fun in a vomiting all morning kind of way.